I am finishing 2022 in a very different place from where I started.

A year ago, I was on short term disability and in significant pain every day. I couldn’t work a full day, or pick up my kids. Even carrying a cup of coffee was painful.

A year ago, I had more work than I could possibly handle. I was struggling. I loved being a manager, and I think I was good at it – but I couldn’t manage the way I wanted to under the circumstances. I wanted to do better.

A year ago, I was depressed and anxious. I was barely sleeping. I felt like I was failing in every role I had – as a manager, as a consultant, as a parent, as a partner.

A year ago, I was unable to do most of the activities I had previously enjoyed – I couldn’t run, couldn’t sew, couldn’t ride my bike, couldn’t garden. Some days I could barely get out of bed.

A year ago, most people in my professional life didn’t know the real me. They didn’t know that I am queer, or that I struggle with depression and anxiety. I covered up my tattoos just in case someone thought they were unprofessional.

A year ago, I had pretty much given up on being happy. I was DONE but didn’t know what needed to change.

Today, I am able to run and bike – but I also let myself rest when I need to.

Today, I can dance and go hiking with my kids, and take my dog for a walk, (mostly) pain free. I still have painful days, but it’s better than last year.

Today, I have work I love, and enough time to do it well. I have time off when I need it, even when it comes up last minute. And I work for someone who is the manager I always tried to be.

Today, I am less anxious and the depression is getting better too. It’s a work in progress, but meds are helping.

Today, I have a large, visible tattooed sleeve and have gotten tons of compliments. I cut my hair short and dyed my hair pink, and I feel more confident being myself.

Today, I weigh a lot more than I did last year, but I am less critical of myself and I’m okay with how I look (most days – that’s a work in progress too).

Today, there is no “professional” me and “personal” me. I am an artist and an engineer and an athlete and a mom. I can be all these things wherever I go.

Today, I am surrounded by people who support me, and I know that the bad days are temporary and it will get better.